Wednesday, 28 August 2013

You Can Count On Words.

Total word count for the day is eight, no ten. no twelve, no fourteen, no, no seventeen!  Wait a moment, now it's twenty two. What am I doing?  Why am I counting my words?  Now the word count is forty three.

Oh my, the life of you writers. You think of your Flash fiction projects.  However, we wont talk about that. You like to reveal your latest cover.
Here's my latest cover reveal.  You can see Uranus and you might end up with asteroids.

Yes, you continue to perplex the unaware with your acronyms.  "YA", you do it all the time.  So, an "MC" is not a "Master of Ceremonies"?  And an "MG" is not an old British sports car?

And what's a "POV"?  Oops, this is that British legend "POB", which probably means, "Piddle On Book."

*Blurb!*  Excuse me, indigestion....
You might think I've got "time on my" hands.  You would be correct.  I'm still, however, in desperate need of a clone, or a cloning machine.  Even with the help of Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, we still struggle.  Makes it difficult to "WIP" up a number of words.  "WTF"?  You may ask?  "WTF" means "Writers Trying Fiction."

As a kind gesture, because I realise how important word counts are to you, the total, so you don't have to check is, two hundred and fifty four plus one word equals two hundred and sixty four.

Friday, 23 August 2013

Blog Air Is Flying Over There. Over Where?

While sitting in the cargo hold with Fred the iguana and Marvin the kiwi, I anxiously waited my arrival at the site that I was going to guest post.

Yes, Blog Air, after being in a holding pattern, after experiencing some turbulence, my guest posting has landed at the lovely and affable Damyanti's blog.  The captain, Penny the Pawlet, switched on the "unfasten your seatbelt" sign.  If you wish to note my second attempt at a proper landing on her site, you will discover it here at the arrivals section : Would You Join Gary Pennick's Blogger's Got Talent?  

Damyanti is a kind, caring lady.  If you've never been to her site, heaven forbid, I would kindly ask you to check out the site and her other postings.  Thank you.

Thank you, Damyanti, for allowing me to guest post again.  A somewhat different posting.  It could be considered cynical, sarcastic, even!  I know, I know, hard to believe I could be like that.

I want anybody who graces me by reading my tongue-in-cheek posts, if you haven't figured it out,  my satirising blog hops and blog fests and the challenge about the alphabet that goes on and and on and on,  is actually ironic promotion for those who consider participating.  All I ask is that those who do participate don't put too much pressure on themselves.  Have fun and embrace the ideals of positive interaction. 

In other news and just for the heck of it and fill up more space on here, I leave you with this.
A multiple choice question about Sally Field.

A: You like her.
  B: You hate her.
                     C: You don't care either way.
             D: Who is Sally Field?
            E: Nun of the above. 

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Blogfest Detox.

While my ridiculous human is off searching for a clone or a cloning machine, I have decided to take over and help him out, yet again!

I have received millions of emails that have asked me for help.  They often start out like this, "Dear Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, I need your help!  I'm addicted to blog hops and blogfests and writing competitions and writing challenges and I have this weird fascination with the alphabet and I can't seem to stop writing run-on sentences.  Penny, I'm begging you.  Can you help?"

So I send back an email stating, "Why this fascination with all those things?"  The reply to my email goes something like this, "I love to be a part of a sharing, caring blogging community.  Okay, maybe I have some other reasons.  I join those challenges and even create my own challenges because I want to ego-trip and accumulate followers.  There, I said it.  What should I do, Penny?  I'm obsessed!"

I reply, "My human friend, you need a  blogfest detox.  Try staying away from all those tours and just do some writing that shows your originality.  It will take some practice, but you can do this.  I'm here to help you.  You have my total support.".
So concerned are the good folks at the "Blogger's Information Hotline", they have set up an additional number you can call if you need a trained counsellor to help you through the blogfest detox process.  Which means, in addition to all the other number choices below, you will now note that number for the blogfest detox.

"For the latest blogfests information, press one.  For the latest blog hops information, press two.  To set up your own blogfest, or blog hop, or blog party that you make out is because you care about positive interaction, but actually it's your way of accumulating followers, press three. For the latest information on how to be a blatant blogging self-promoter, press four or three..  For how to be even better at leaving vague comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the posting,  press five.  To learn to be really good at being a cynical blogger, press six.  To find out how to be an incredibly sarcastic blogger, press seven.  To leave comments to humour 'comedy' bloggers and pretend that their stuff is funny, when you know it isn't, press eight.  To find out more about "IWSG" or 'I Was Seeking Gary', press nine.  To have all the options repeated and to add your own suggestions to the Blogger's Information Hotline, press zero.

For a priority call right through to a blogfest detox counsellor, press the * key, followed by the # key, followed by the 0 key, followed by listening to a recorded message that tells you all our blogfest detox counsellors are busy and please call back in a year's time."

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Send In The Clones.

I need some clones, please. Even with the help of Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, I'm struggling to keep up.

Been going on a tour that is the irony of ironies and I keep noticing a photo of myself all over the internet.  In the meantime, while I go searching for some clone-type help, I shall leave you with a short posting.
Yes that bummer, butt oh so important question I've posed before.  When I say "posed" as in asked the question.  The toilet paper this way?  
Or this way?
Or oops!  I really need some clones right about now!

While you're contemplating such important questions.  I shall leave you with the theme music to "Jeopardy!"    See ya and this posting has reached the bottom, so to speak.....

Friday, 9 August 2013

A New Hope Branches Out.

And thus, the "Tree of Life: Branching Out" collaboration project has reached its conclusion. Yet the conclusion is not the end.  For it's just the beginning of a new hope, renewed hope that this world, the symbolism of the tree, shall inspire us to leave this a greener, cleaner, more caring planet.  To give every child born a legacy that rejoices in an all different, all equal diversity.

The concluding instalment of this positive interaction project can be discovered here: Tree of Life: Branching Out Finale.

To all those who participated, kudos for your thoughtful excerpts. To those that have been reading it, listening to the themed music, thank you.

In closing, I want to make special mention of Samantha Geary Jones whose dedication and organisation of the collaboration project was truly admirable. Thank you, Samantha.

I leave you with this. Elise Fallson has composed a dedication video to the project.  Elise, such a marvellous video that embraces the ambience perfectly. Thank you, Elise.  It would be very nice if you went and visited Elise's site, which can be found here : Elise Fallson

 My friend, a new hope branches out.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Blurbs And Blogs.

It's been ages since I mentioned I'm a grammar anarchist. Been ages since I noted that run-on sentences without the use of commas and the over-usage of the conjunction word "and" is an excellent way of learning how to hold your breath and waiting for the sentence to finally end and then you find as your face turns blue that the lack of commas are making you gasp for air and thus you give up on the run-on sentence and decide to skip the sentence but hang on it's going to abruptly end!

Gosh, I'm working on a story. Wow n'stuff!  Then comes the cover reveal and its imminent release, pending approval by the writing parole board.  Or perhaps my book launch.  Launched in a sewage treatment plant near you.

In my story, the main characters are the Tagonist family.  Brother Bill, along with his buddy Ted, who would like an excellent adventure. Granny Mabel and Grampa Marvin, who love to go to strip bingo with the hope of  losing every game. Ma Susie Q, who likes country rock and Papa John, who dreams of owning a pizza place. Then we have the evil twisted sister, Ann Tagonist, who decided, we're not gonna' take it....any more....Some reading the story will not like the Tagonist family.  Some will be pro-Tagonist.

I have noticed a lot of writer and blogger lingo.

Flash  fiction.
IWSG, which is here: The Insecure Writer's Support Group.

I thought a blurb was a burp
What a twerp
A stomach ache
For goodness sake
A summary
Of a book you see
WIP not missing a letter
So much the better
Work In Progress
Time to impress
Flash fiction
Caused me some friction
Thought it was about a daring nude
Seems I was only thinking crude
What do you know
Not about Mork
And the way he'd talk
IWSG filled me with glee
Thought it was regarding me
The Insecure Writer's Group
Go check out that diverse troop.

The Tree of Life is reaching its conclusion.  To see the ongoing collaboration, this link will take you right up to date, Tree of Life: Branching Out.  Special mention to Samantha Geary who has been a marvel at coordinating the project.

Liking grammar anarchy?
For or against the Tagonist famiily?
Excited by writer and blogger lingo?
Is the poetry attempt okay?
Checking out the ongoing Tree of Life collaboration?
Notice no mention of the upcoming anti-blogfest?